At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
