I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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