theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
