Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
