Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize