No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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