you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
