Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
