I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
