and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
