She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
