i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
