All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
