Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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