The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
