I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Come share oat with me in your robe
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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