They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
