Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
