I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
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i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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