just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
