I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
