thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize