Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
