I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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