She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
