i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
