Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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