How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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