I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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