Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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