Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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