so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
