No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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