She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
