Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
