omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
