there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
