Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
