The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
