Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
