Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
