Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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