Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
