she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
