Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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