six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
pop tarts are not kleenex
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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