You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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