Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
