saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
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i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
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I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.