and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I can't turn off my feet"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.