weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I will die if light touches me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
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My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
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I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake