I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
