I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.