Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day