Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
