You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
where are my eyebrows?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
