A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
