it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
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I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
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