soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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