I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
