We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
