And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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