he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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