Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
