I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
