Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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