so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
