cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
