atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
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i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
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FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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