If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
