Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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