I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
