i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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